Lizzed In My Pants

It doesn't matter how I got there, what's important to emphasize is that I was not looking for Brody Jenner's MySpace page (the "official," although I worry he doesn't understand the implications of quotation marks). I stumbled upon this through another page I was looking at, but just as important to note is that I laughed so hard I pulled a muscle in my abdominals (not joking) and had to get up and walk around holding my stomach like an insane person.

Also, it appears even he gets that Gabe is the best.

Also I would hate fuck him so hard his ears would bleed.

Yep, That Is Less Socially Awkward Than Screaming In Public.

Someone should give Kelly Dobson an award. She's finally cracked the code (the code being her fragile hold on sanity).

The best comment from "sinlander": so when I go around raping girls I can carry this to make sure their screams don't alert anyone? sounds pretty good, I'll take 2 please

Who Is Feist?

Nice work boys. But Gabe, cut your hair.

Devil's Advocate

Listen, I'm as hopeful as the next guy. But we've been burned before.

Things Are Going Great

Items purchased by me at 10:30pm on a Tuesday night at Vons:











And I enjoyed them all while watching RuPaul's Drag Race: Reunion Special.

New Personal Hero

There are times when I'm driving home at 2am and I realize I'm not headed to bed anytime soon, and more than anything I'd like to go home and have a few more beers before turning in, only to remember I don't have any beer at home. Grocery stores won't sell you alcohol after 2am, so I sadly accept that I am SOL. Which clearly is my FAIL. This guy is awesome.

Also this clip made me lose my shit at work. One part America's Funniest Home Videos, one part sadness. The best.

Portland Mayor Admits Instituting Casual Fridays May Have Led to Indiscretions

This Guy. LOVE this guy. One assumes that if he was a legislative intern working on the running mayoral candidate's campaign he had, at some point, political aspirations. I'm not so foolish as to think an 18 (sure) year old who gets into an illicit affair with a 42 year old who is also his boss has the most reasoned decision making skills, but still. This is how he handles being at the center of a minor controversy that is already showing signs of blowing over (pun intended)?

On a separate but equally important note, we should all be reading this magazine. Johnny Hazard, strap-ons and creepy clown sex!?!

Time To Re-Examine Life Choices

Jake: You didn't have it already, right?
I was nervous.

He was discussing buying me "High School Musical" on DVD.


whoops.

Kindred Spirits

A free tail bat clung to the side of the Space Shuttle Discovery before launch on Sunday at Cape Canaveral and refused to let go as the Shuttle took off and rocketed toward space.


"NASA hoped the bat would fly away before the spacecraft's Sunday evening liftoff, but photos from the launch now show the bat holding on for dear life throughout the fiery ride. 'He did change the direction he was pointing from time to time throughout countdown but ultimately never flew away,' states a NASA memo obtained by SPACE.com. 'Infrared imagery shows he was alive and not frozen like many would think ... Liftoff imagery analysis confirmed that he held on until at least the vehicle cleared [the] tower before we lost sight of him.' Officials at NASA's Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Fla., where Discovery launched from a seaside pad, said the bat's outlook after launch appears grim."



Metaphors.

I Want.

Mission Accomplished

Hey, so apparently the crazies were right, we were redefining marriage. So we win, right?

In related news, that'll do Merriam Webster, that'll do.

Hand Job

It has long been a fantasy of mine to date a deaf guy. This stems largely from my belief that the biggest detriment to a guy liking me is his ability to hear me. So despite my pretty strict 'No Zippered Hoodies Without A Shirt Underneath" rule I'm going to give this guy a pass. However I don't think that's how you sign 'lollipop.' Just sayin'.

Racial Profiling

Today someone asked me to name the 3 Jonas Brothers and I failed. I knew Nick and Joe. For the third one I guessed Sal.

Rorschach To World -- "You weren't listening to me were you?"

YES

Hacky Sacks

"It was the stripper equivalent of an open mic night."
~ Kevin, Describing a Portland gay bar

With Friends Like These Who Needs The ASPCA

Kristin: ok, i have to admit it

i wasnt going to but i have to!

its just too disturbing

last night

i dreamed

that you

had sex

with

a

dog.

Your Girlfriend

Your girlfriend showed up at my friend's funeral the other day.

Great Sentence

"Edward Burns, with his eternal air of midtown bartender, drops in as a casino detective/ex government operative."

from here.

Truth

I've said it before and I'll say it again:
All Mormons are gay.



What, no Beaver Island reference?

File Under Too Little Too Late

Art Imitates Life Imitates Art is Commented on By Art

Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis will star in Warner Bros.' detective comedy "A Couple of Cops." The movie is about "a pair of cops who track down a stolen baseball card, rescue a Mexican beauty and must deal with gangsters and laundered drug money." The movie was originally titled "A Couple of Dicks."

This is a 30 Rock punchline, right? Shouldn't this read: Bruce Willis set to guest star on 30 Rock as himself, where he will be headlining a fictional buddy comedy within the show entitled "A Couple of Dicks."

So we're through the looking glass then, huh? With Kenneth leading the Republican party and now this, 30 Rock has become a documentary.

Also great: the project was originally set to star Robin Williams and James Gandolfini, who backed out. I guess there wasn't enough money in the budget for cocaine and hookers.

via Variety

Season Pass ASAP

Everything about this = Yes.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

HE ELECTROCUTES THEM.
Bitches be squawking indeed. And what's up with Bizzaro Cheyenne Jackson?

"I won't just date a guy because he has money. He has to have so many other things."
Brilliant.

Birth

The first post on a new blog. Like popping a cherry with less blood and more shame.

via pants